I have been realizing that I use my Facebook profile as a sort of journal sometimes…sharing how I am feeling in the moment. And those are posts that I will never be able to retrieve again as they sink into the endless abyss of social media muck that is memes and political rants and funny YouTube videos and other dumb stuff I share on my wall. Clutter that I will never ever wade through to find my thoughts again.
I need to be sharing them here, on my blog, where they can be logged properly and found again when I want to track the trajectory of my life or reminisce on how awful it once was. Those “it could be worse” moments.
I can’t seem to find much time for actual hand journaling lately, so maybe I can force myself to just throw thoughts on screen occasionally here.
These are historic months, with this pandemic. None of us have gone through anything like this before. Stuck at home, not interacting with anyone but members of this house, people at the stores I occasionally run errands to, and people at the doctors’ office every few months, for months on end. (Those of us who take this seriously.)
It’s been 7 months now and the days just run together now.
Here is my post on Facebook today:
So exhausted from this life. But hanging in there. Just tired of this endless days of endless days. I know the whole world feels the same, and that helps me feel not so alone, yet I still feel….blah. Tired of life not being normal. Ready for some level of normalcy to come back but knowing we still have MONTHS before it will. And yet, it also surprisingly feels nice to have no commitments…such a weird feeling.
I cannot seem to accomplish anything for long. My ADHD symptoms seem worse than ever because there’s nothing to latch onto…no urgency, no outside influence to cause me to need to get things done! No one is coming over, I’m not going anywhere, doing anything for anyone, so everything can be done whenever.
Every once in awhile I get fed up with the state of something and get a burst of hyper focus energy and follow that to actually accomplish something…but it never lasts long enough to complete anything…
Anyone relate to these feelings of floating endlessly without accomplishing anything???
I have an idea to modify my Great Summer Purge and Clean…maybe I’ll call it my Great Pandemic Purge and Clean. It may give our daily lives more purpose and get our home back in shape…we’ll see what I can whip up…starting to feel inspired.
At least the library books I need for Tyr’s lessons finally came in so I can switch him back to the curriculum we are using this year instead of the makeshift stuff I was making him do while we were waiting for them to come in. Back on track for that, yay!